doing single well.

I just turned 28 and I am still single.

This weekend that was made abundantly clear to me. Not by one individual pointing it out.

I just felt the loneliness in full swing this weekend. It started as I was browsing all my social media looking at picture after picture of someone I know’s baby, kids, family, wedding, baby/wedding shower, kid’s birthday party, kid’s sporting event, etc. Then there were posts about anniversaries and dates, and, well, you see what I’m saying.

I felt bombarded. Not one post did I read saying, “today’s my 1 year anniversary of being single! Let’s celebrate!”

And I just lost it as I was driving around doing things alone. Again. I cried and I told God how much the loneliness hurts sometimes. And here it is again; just typing that statement brought tears to my eyes.

That’s a really vulnerable statement for me to make. You see, for the most part, I try to hide the fact that I don’t like being single. I try to be strong and put on a happy face, because I have this idea that this is what I am supposed to do as a single Christian – I’m supposed to be joyful and cheery, and be okay just how my life is, because obviously this is what God has for me.

Right?

I don’t know that I think so anymore.

I have prayed and prayed that if God does not will for me to have a family or to be married, that he would remove that [strong] desire from my heart. I don’t want to want what he doesn’t want for me.

But here I am, and the desire seems just as strong as when I first prayed that many years ago.

And here I am still very single.

I have a confession: I haven’t been doing single well.

You may have ready my last post about online dating. So I’ve tried that. I have also dated a lot of people (okay by a lot I mean probably a handful. Whether or not that is a lot is a matter of opinion, I suppose) who really I knew I shouldn’t be dating. I spent money on frivolous things because I had the money to spend. I have been very selfish with my time, because, well, there is no one else I should be giving it to… right?

I think all of those ways I have been living my life were wrong.

I’m ready to doing single well. To do single with intentionality and purpose.

To give my time to those who need my time. To give my money to causes that could benefit from it well.

It’s not my time nor is it my money. If I claim my life belongs to God then why am acting as the God of my own life – dating or otherwise?

I’m still processing all of this. I’m figuring out what intentional and purposeful singleness looks like.

I’ll keep you updated.

related:

single – for those that are and those that aren’t (another post I wrote with some good links regarding singleness in the church)

elevation church – meant to be sermon series

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2 thoughts on “doing single well.

  1. “It’s bad enough being on your own without every TV show and commercial and magazine ad trying to tell you how abnormal it is… I mean they make you afraid of being alone, at the same time telling you not to settle for anything less than the perfect romantic ideal like that actually exists anywhere in the real world. I mean either way you can’t win.” – Samantha Carter, Stargate SG-1 “Affinity”

    One of the problems with singleness is that the Church is so enamored with marriage, they forget Paul’s words on the subject. Singleness is treated like a contagious disease, they want people to be cured of it quickly before it sets in and is irreversible. But many elders fail to realize that 1.) Our generation is statistically less married than they where when they were our age – for us it’s about 20% married by late 20s, for them, 50%. 2.) They married to become financially secure, we wait until we’re financially secure to marry. 3.) There is a majority of women in churches, not men. There’s simply no one there to meet to marry.

    One couple at my old church just married in their late 40s, but most churches I’ve been to pushed marriage at the 20 somethings like their life is over at 30. I just wish they’d stop worshiping marriage and focus on this guy called Jesus – I hear he was single.

  2. I feel ya on so many of these points…I just started a new job and dating doesn’t fit. It’s extra annoying when all my friends are happily in love and think that’s the best course of action for me. So….i feel ya, girl. Love you!

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