In the first part of this break up series I just barely talked about it being hard, even though I called it the hard part. Breaking up will almost always be hard because it is a change – no matter whether or not you wanted the breakup. Like I said, the last end of a relationship I had, I wanted. But I also hated it because I was losing a best friend and a adventure partner, I was losing someone I loved.
There is a hard part I didn’t touch on, but to me I’m learning it is the good part. When you go through something painful (whether it’s breaking up of a relationship or some other kind of loss) there are often a variety of feelings you go experience. In no particular order, I have felt the following over the time I’ve gone through post-breakup:
- Anger (why’d you “stop loving me?”)
- Joy (this is where I am supposed to be, I’m so glad God has a plan for me)
- Peace (this is where I am supposed to be)
- Relief (I’m glad God is leading me through this and I’m not alone)
- Bitterness (why’d that man pursue me and then stop?)
- Sadness (oh that place and that thing remind me of him)
- Longing (I want to be loved and pursued)
- Loneliness (I miss my partner in life, I enjoyed sharing things with him)
- Regret (why did I waste so much time? Why did I allow myself in that relationship?)
- Doubt (did I make the right choice? I really wish I hadn’t allowed myself in that relationship)
- Excitement (whoo!! I wonder what it is God has for me that this relationship had gotten in the way of!?)
- Hope (there is more to come, after winter always comes spring!)
Here, however, is the good part: ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS ARE OKAY!
Did you get that? What you are feeling is okay!
I am bad about getting upset with myself for feeling some of those things at times. I feel like I should be over it, or happy about it, and most of the time I am, but I get mad when I feel I’m back pedaling.
Here’s the important part about all your feelings being okay: do not let get hung up on the negative ones and allow yourself to relish the positive ones. For example, I found myself bitter towards the man who had pursued me for some time and then stopped. As I talked to a mentor about this, she pointed out how bitterness is a natural feeling, no matter how good he was and how good the relationship was. If I allow myself to wallow in the bitterness and to wish him harm because of the bitterness, that is not okay.
I think the point is this when you have what you view as a negative feeling: do not push away a feeling. Feel it, consider it, think about it, but do not wallow in it and do not sin because of it. And then… move on.
read on to the final post.