Sometimes, if I am honest, I could care less about my relationship with God.
I mean, seriously. I put so many other things before my relationship with Him and just let my life get so busy that I slowly stop spending as much time with Him as I should, or even as I did previously.
The other day, I was asking for forgiveness for my constant struggle with a particular sin in my life. I was praying and stating my frustration with myself for doing well for awhile then messing up again, etc. And I got an overwhelming feeling. I felt like God was smiling/half laughing at me and telling me “it is okay my sweet daughter! I made you to only be human. I made you that way so you’d learn to rely on me and my strength. You are human, you WILL mess up. Let it go and keep moving towards Me!”
I couldn’t help but smile. It reminded of one of my clients. He just wants to please but sometimes his desire to please looks like annoying-interrupting-always searching for attention – always having a comment about everything – little kid bothering you all the time. Does that make any sense?
If you don’t know, I’m a mental health therapist for kids ages 2-7. This particular client needs help with not interrupting and not having to have some sort of comment about anything and everything anyone and everyone does or says. But it is apparent he is searching for approval. The other day he walked out of the bathroom with his head hung low, obviously looking like he was holding back tears. He had been wearing my cotherapist’s keys on his wrist and had gotten them wet while washing his hands. He walked up to her pouting and explained he got them wet and he was sorry and he tried to dry them off. She did the same sort of thing I imagined God was doing to me the other day – she drew his attention to her eyes and told him it was okay, that he was not going to be in trouble, and that she knew it was an accident. She told him she’d even help him clean up the mess – all with a smile and a little giggle. Then the little boy smiled and relief overwhelmed his face and his body.
Just like what had happened to me when God comforted me when I was hanging my head in defeat, afraid He’d be irritated with me that I messed up. Again.
I think God delights when we long to do good – not just when we actually do good. Don’t get overwhelmed by the constant struggle with sin – no matter what it is. Keep asking for repentance and keep pursuing the goal and the only one who can carry you through.
Do not give up.
And today I’d like to feature a blog post about Joyful Decision Making with God from an old friend of mine, Brad. It relates to the lightness of conversing with God while also the depth of the reality that we are conversing with the Maker of the Universe. Check it out. It is valuable.